Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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