oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
