hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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