i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
