I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
