It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
