I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
