there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
