Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
