I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
