In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
