I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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