having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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