I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
