I wish I could teleport
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
