the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
