i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
