OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
