I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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