And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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