Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
