I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
