I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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