drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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