I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
