eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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