You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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