i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
