I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
