i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
