Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
