We won't sleep together?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
