i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
