You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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