I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
