you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
