Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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