Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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