He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
