Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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