i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
