Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
