I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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