it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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