My brain says no but my pants say off.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
