I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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