I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
