stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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