i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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