More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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